I have some BIG news! Most of you won’t understand at first, but it’ll make sense after I explain everything. I’m sure most will be apprehensive and worry about me and how it may affect me, but I assure you that I am 100% in and God will help me through this.
So, the news is that….
I’M GOING TO BE A SURROGATE!!
As long as my blood, physical,and physiological testing goes well, then I will be carrying a child for a couple that can’t:) And I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out.
My mom had 7 miscarriages before she had me, one another after me, then she had my sister, then miscarried my brother’s twin. She was still so upset about it 20 years later that she couldn’t understand how I got pregnant so easily and yet she wanted it so badly and couldn’t have it for so long. I couldn’t imagine going through something like that. I had a miscarriage in July and it was devastating. It wasn’t planned and everything about it from the start went wrong from how I found out, to how I told my husband and my family, just nothing went right. Then after I lost the baby I kept thinking “why would Heavenly Father make me go through something like that unless I’m supposed to have more?” and for a few months I asked my husband EVERY SINGLE DAY if we could have another. It hurt more and more each time hearing that he didn’t want to still and I just felt stuck. I felt like I had nothing to look forward to unless we had another baby. I love my kids and it’s not like they weren’t good enough, but I just felt like we were meant to have another. Then I had my last breakdown recently. I had a conversation with my husband about it and he explained how much it hurt him to have to tell me over and over again that he didn’t want any more. I felt like the more I asked it, the more it would sink in that we won’t have anymore, but that just wasn’t the case. I was stuck and didn’t know how to move on or what to do after I moved on.
Then one night I saw a post from a friend about surrogacy and that if we had any questions, that we could Skype with a lawyer to get some information. My husband and I had briefly talked about it before but had decided to table it until we decided on not having anymore children of our own. But when I asked her about I felt prompted and I applied that night. Suddenly everything just felt right, everything was going to be okay, and I realized that I didn’t need to have another baby for myself but that I could give the gift of a child to someone who has no other option. I was accepted the next day and told that my application looked great, that I just needed to talk to her on the phone and then she’d put my profile up for the intended parents(couples looking for a surrogate to carry their child) to see. 10am we talked briefly, my profile went up within 15 minutes of our call, and then I received 8 emails by the end of the day.
I still can’t believe I’m doing this, but I can’t explain how excited I am and how grateful I am that Heavenly Father has guided me in this direction. It has been less than a week since this all happened and I’ve talked to a couple from Spain, a couple from Singapore, a couple from BC, a couple from France, and a few from Ontario. I’ve built a connection with each of them, hoping for a spark to tell me which one to go with. I’ve been flip flopping all over the place to the point that my husband’s tired of me talking to him about the pro and cons of each relationship regarding distance, how much they’d be able to be involved, what they’re looking for in a surrogate, and many other things. Each one I’ve felt strongly about I’ve talked to on FaceTime at least once and some I’ve talked to 3 times. It is going to be the most difficult thing in the world to tell the 9 out 10 couples that I won’t be able to help them this time, but I’m sure that the reaction from the couple I’ve chosen will make up for it.
I don’t want to say too much before speaking with the couple about how they feel about me posting about the experience, but for now, I can tell you that already this has been one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do and it is also extremely rewarding. Just think about it, I get to give life to them, I can serve them by helping them receive their special spirit. I can’t think of a better way to spend my time and these small 10+ months of trying to get pregnant and during the pregnancy are such a small thing that I can give, especially when they can’t do this themselves.
If you’re interested, please let me know and I will get you in contact with the lady that referred me. Just look into it. If it’s not for you, it’s just not. But if it is, you could help a family that has been waiting for year and years to become a mom. Just think about it. This is an amazing way to serve.
And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of you fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.