Still Waiting

It’s been over a month now since I picked my wonderful IPs. The fertility clinic they’ve chosen for me to do my testing at has not contacted me yet and I’m feeling more and more impatient every day. I know it probably seems weird that I’m so excited to get pregnant with someone else’s child, but they’ve been waiting so long, I just can’t wait to give them some good news.

My IPs and I have been in contact almost everyday. They sent some gifts for me and my girls for Christmas. The gifts were actually spot on. My youngest got a Dora toy with boots in a baby stroller and then a bubble guppies coloring book. My eldest daughter received a hello kitty backpack and a hello kitty TY as well as a Sophia the First coloring book. They were so excited to open them, especially because it was after christmas(since my step son was visiting and they didn’t take that into account when they sent gifts).

From the other surrogates I’ve spoken to, it sounds like it’ll be a 1-2 months after all my testing that they’re able to do the transfer. So hopefully I can do it right away and still be on schedule for March? My husband will be traveling for a couple weeks this month as well as another couple weeks in March. His vacation time doesn’t reset until April, so if we did the transfer in March, there’s a high likelihood that he will not be able to travel with me.

Sounds like my IPs are still planning to visit me and my family where we live this month. I’m just praying that we get the medical testing done before so that we can make sure that I’m fit to be able to do this. Sounds like many women who’ve had precious cesarians haven’t had issues being surrogates, but I just want to make sure.

And again, for any friends and family who may still think that this is all a mistake or that it’s going to be too hard or anything like that, I can’t explain how I could feel so strongly about having another child one week and then the next wanting to have a child for someone else. It’s just a change of heart, prayer, and just finally being able to move past what happened. It doesn’t make everything I went through any less hard to think about, it was still traumatizing, but this somehow makes it okay and worth it. I still have the hospital bag with my jewelry in it that I had to take off before surgery. It’s just sitting on my bathroom counter in the little bag. I can’t bring myself to wear them. The weather I wore to the hospital that morning has a small mascara stain on the sleeve and every time I wear it, I’m just reminded of it all. It all still happened, and it all still hurts, but it doesn’t mean that I need to have another child because I lost one. The child I lost is still mine and I just didn’t get much time on earth with him, but I will have that time in heaven. I gave him a body, he served his purpose, that’s all he needed to do. He was so special that he didn’t need to go through all the trials that we do, he JUST needed a body and then Heavenly Father called him to Him. I feel blessed to have to have been his mother on earth for even a small amount of time. Some people believe that you don’t receive a spirit until you are born, but I believe that you have your spirit in your body before then, from the time of conception.

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